


I Don't (But I Do)

by canthelpmyselves



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Aliens, Engagement, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, possessive Len
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 19:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16771855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canthelpmyselves/pseuds/canthelpmyselves
Summary: An alien prince, enamored with the Flash, offers an interplanetary truce in exchange for Barry's hand in marriage.





	I Don't (But I Do)

**Caitlin’s Choice**  
Oliver Queen was certain there was some sort of mistake. There was no way Caitlin Snow had just uttered the words he had heard… misheard… imagined… whatever! “Could you repeat that?” he finally managed to say.

The biochemical doctor took a deep breath as she wrung her hands together. She looked around the room at Felicity, Roy, Thea and Dig before turning back to him. “Barry needs a spouse. Well, actually just a fiance. A pretend fiance. Just until the Tamaranean delegation leaves.”

“This is a joke, right?” Roy asked with a bemused smile.

Caitlin shook her head. “No. The Tamaraneans want to forge an alliance with Earth and Ryand’r, the prince, has a crush on Barry. They know he’s a superhero which elevates him in their eyes, and Barry can’t say no without good reason or he’ll be insulting the prince.At least, that’s what ARGUS is claiming,” Caitlin paused and took a moment to breath deeply before glancing at Dig. “Amanda Waller has implied that if Barry doesn’t go along with this, ARGUS will make things difficult for STAR Labs and the Flash.”

“So you think having a fake fiance will make them back off?” Felicity asked. “I’ll do it. Barry’s my friend and we get along really well. I can pretend to be his fiance.”

Caitlin blushed slightly and looked down at the floor. “Actually, it has to be a man. The Tamaraneans won’t be deterred by a female fiance.”

“Why is that?” Oliver asked. “Barry is straight. It wouldn’t make sense for him to marry a man.”

Caitlin blushed and twisted her hands together tighter. “Actually, he’s bisexual,” she said hesitantly. “They know he dated a man in college. They have already said he can have a female wife in addition to marrying the prince.”

Oliver thought about pressing for more information, but there was something about the concern and worry in the doctor’s eyes that told him to tread carefully. Besides, it wasn’t like it would be a hardship to pretend to be Barry’s boyfriend. They were close friends, almost like brothers, and there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to protect the younger man.

“Very well,” Oliver said firmly. “I’ll do it.”

**Iris and Joe’s Choice**  
“You want me to what?”

Iris and Joe both sighed and gave Eddie exasperated looks. “You need to pretend to be Barry’s fiance,” Iris said. “Otherwise he’s going to be forced into marrying some alien prince. You heard what that woman from ARGUS said.”

Eddie looked at his partner and girlfriend with stunned disbelief. “But I’m dating you!” he said to Iris. 

“They don’t know that,” Joe pointed out. “And if they do ask questions, we’ll just explain that you and Iris are just friends and that people just assumed you two were dating to avoid outing Barry. Besides, he went to so much trouble to reverse your death, we can claim he did it out of love. Eddie, I’m not letting some alien king force my son into a marriage! Help us protect him!”

Iris reached out and took Eddie’s hand in hers. “Just until they leave, okay? You just have to go on a few dates and maybe hold hands. For Barry.”

Eddie sighed and gave a nod. Barry was his friend. He could do this.

**Cisco’s Choice**  
“But Allen and I hate one another,” Julian pointed out.

Cisco shrugged. “So?”

“Hate. A lot of hate,” Julian stressed. “If hate could be measured, this is the Godzilla of hate.”

“So?” Cisco repeated, eating a twizzler. “Would you rather have to spend a few days as Barry’s fiance or deal with Barry and his alien husband who can use his position as a prince to force the Mayor to make Barry head of this department?”

Julian paled slightly, eyes widening in horror. “Fine, but I’m not kissing him.”

“Deal,” Cisco grinned.

**Barry’s Choice**  
“Um, can you guys repeat that?” Barry asked weakly, staring at the three groups with shock.

“Well, apparently,” Harry said from his place by the med-room, “your friends have taken it upon themselves to find you a husband.”

“I can’t believe you guys,” Cisco groaned, looking at Iris and Caitlin. “Seriously? Eddie or Oliver? No one is going to believe that! You need someone who lives closer than Starling City! Someone Barry spends a lot of time with. Someone not dating his sister! Someone not straight!”

“Oh please!” Iris scoffed. “Him?” she asked, pointing at Julian. “Everyone knows they can’t stand one another! Including the Tamaraneans! Eddie makes much more sense! They work together, Eddie spends a lot of time at our home.”

“Oliver is a fellow superhero,” Caitlin pointed out smugly. “Everyone knows they team up together pretty often. Plus, Barry has visited Starling many times, and he’s been seen at Oliver’s parties, club and home.”

“I agree,” Oliver said. “It’s pretty common knowledge that Barry and I are close. It’s less of a leap to assume we are dating than to believe he’s dating his work rival or his sister’s boyfriend.”

“I agree,” Julian said quickly, glad to be off the hook.

Eddie nodded. “And Oliver is a good catch, being a billionaire, handsome and well-known.” Cisco and Iris both pouted at having their choices shot down. 

“Um, guys?” Barry interrupted. “Do I get a say in this?” Everyone looked at Barry who was shifting from one foot to the other awkwardly. “Look, I appreciate the offers, however misguided they are, but I don’t need a fake fiance.”

“Barry, I understand you don’t want to drag anyone else into this,” Joe said, “but ARGUS is determined to make this happen. You heard what Waller said.”

Barry nodded. “She said that if I refused, she’d bury STAR Labs and the Flash. Let her try. Besides, even if I wanted to agree to a fake engagement, which I don’t, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Iris insisted. “It’s just for a little while. Until they leave.”

“No, I really, _really_ can’t,” Barry insisted. 

“Why not?” asked Oliver curiously.

“Because he knows I’d ice anyone who tried to put a ring on his finger, fake or not.”

Everyone jumped and a few of them gasped as Leonard Snart strode into the room, cold gun resting on his right shoulder. Mick Rory, Ray Palmer and Sara Lance were right behind him.

Joe immediately pulled his gun, Eddie just a second slower. Oliver had a flechette in each hand instantly. Before any of them could aim, Barry sped across the cortex and threw himself at Snart. Several jaws dropped and more than one person gasped as Snart’s left arm wrapped around Barry’s waist and the older man proceeded to kiss Barry deeply.

After several seconds Barry pulled back, a wide smile on his face. “I wasn’t sure you’d get my message in time.”

Snart smirked as he looked at Barry. “Time ship, remember? I can be whenever I need to be.”

Barry giggled and turned to Rory and Sara. “Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.”

Sara smiled and patted Barry’s arm before heading over to where Oliver, Felicity and Dig were standing. Rory grunted. “Like I’m gonna let him walk into this group without backup.”

“What the hell!” Joe shouted.

Barry flinched and a blush crept up his neck and face. “Um...” He turned, keeping his body in front of Snart’s. “So, like I said, I don’t need a fake fiance. Not when I have a real fiance. Len and I are engaged.”

“Are you kidding us?!”  
“No way!”  
“This better be a joke!”  
“HIM?!!!”  
“No! Absolutely not!”

Barry’s shoulders curled inwards until Snart holstered his gun, turned Barry toward him and cupped his cheeks in his hands. “I love you,” he said softly. 

Barry relaxed immediately and placed his hands on Snart’s waist. “I love you, too,” he said just as softly.

“We always knew this would come out eventually. Remember the rules.”

Barry grinned. “Make the plan. Execute the plan. Expect the plan to go off the rails. Throw away the plan.”

Snart smirked and pulled Barry in for a gentle kiss. When Joe tightened his grip on his gun and Oliver shifted for a better line of sight, Mick drew his heat gun, Ray moved to block Joe’s aim and Sara grabbed Oliver’s arm. 

After several seconds Barry and Snart drew back and Barry turned to stand by his side. “Len and I got engaged five months ago. It’s not up for discussion. I’m not giving him up. Yes, we would have told you, eventually, but we wanted to wait until Len was through helping the Legends save time.”

“No!” Joe growled. “No way in hell am I letting you marry that killer!”

“Barry, this is insane!” Iris argued. “What about...” she hesitated and crossed her arms. “Snart's gay?” she finished awkwardly.

“Pansexual, actually,” Snart drawled. “Not to mention, Barry is an adult. He doesn’t need permission to marry.”

Joe shot Snart a hateful look. “You are not good enough for him!”

“No one is,” Snart shot back. “But he loves me, anyway.”

“Barry, is he threatening you?” Oliver asked angrily.

Sara snorted as she released his arm. “You guys haven’t seen them together. It’s cavity inducing.”

Ray nodded. “I’ve learned not to enter any room on the Waverider without knocking first when the Barry’s on board with us.”

“When have you been on the Waverider?” Cisco demanded. “And why haven’t I?”

“Are we interrupting anything?” Everyone tensed as Amanda Waller entered the cortex, unannounced. Snart looked over the newcomer with cold eyes. Waller’s eyes narrowed. “Leonard Snart.”

Barry smiled as he laid his head on Snart’s shoulder. “Mrs. Waller, what brings you to STAR Labs?”

She looked around the room briefly before turning back to Barry and Snart. “I think we should talk further about your engagement.”

Snart gave her a shark-like grin. “Word travels faster than you, Scarlet. We just announced our engagement to everyone else.”

Waller’s lips pressed into a tight line. “Barry, surely you aren’t serious. You would risk an intergalactic treaty for a thief?”

“I would risk a lot more than that for the man I love,” Barry said firmly. “I told you last week, when you came to me with this proposal, that I was already engaged. I showed you the paperwork for our marriage license. I told you I wasn’t breaking this engagement for any reason.”

“Not even for the Flash or STAR Labs?” she sneered.

“Not even for that,” Barry confirmed. “If you and your suicide squad want to take me on, so be it.”

“But you should know,” Sara said, walking over to stand on Snart’s other side, “you’ll also be taking on the Legends.”

“And the Rogues,” Snart added.

Mick grinned. “Don’t forget, I already called dibs on burning Deadshot.”

Waller’s complexion turned ruddy. “You have no idea the power ARGUS holds.”

Barry stepped forward, arms crossing over his chest. “And how much power would you have if I go public and tell everyone how eager you are to prostitute the Flash? How much power will you have if I simply run back in time and just erase ARGUS from existence? Do not test me, Ms. Waller. I told you I wasn’t going to be your pawn.”

Snart moved closer, one hand resting on the grip of his cold gun. “Do you really want to bet on your unwilling assassins against all of us? I’ll ice anyone who threatens Scarlet, his family or team.”

“Oh, and you should know that this entire conversation, as well as the one you had with Barry last week have been recorded and stored at my company, our timeship and on a remote server somewhere in Eastern Europe,” Ray added with a grin.

Amanda Waller’s jaw clenched so tightly, Barry wondered if she would ever be able to unhinge it again. “This is an intergalactic peace treaty! There is more at stake here than just one person,” she growled. 

“Two people,” Len growled, wrapping an arm around Barry’s waist.

“Three,” Mick said, moving to stand by Len’s left. 

Sara smirked and took up a position by Barry’s right side. “Actually counting everyone in the Legends, Rogues, Arrow and Flash teams, it’s more like 30, give or take a couple. And that’s not even including the civilians who love the Flash and consider him theirs.”

Len gave a faint, jealous growl which Barry shushed by kissing him. “You know you’re my one and only,” he promised. He turned back to Waller and smiled coldly. “I will not be marrying anyone but Len. I will not be used as a political whore. If you want that treaty so badly, I suggest you either convince the king to be reasonable, or you find a way to wiggle your butt into one of my spare suits and marry the prince yourself.”

“Now, I’ve got 36 hours shore leave, and I don’t intend to waste any of it answering questions, defending ourselves or even wearing clothes,” Len drawled. “Scarlet, I want to be home and naked in the next ten seconds.”

Lightning and wind swept through the room. On the heels of that was a faint ‘goodbye’. Sara laughed and turned to Cisco. “So, want to see the Waverider?”

“Hell yes!” Cisco shouted.

“Hey,” Ray said, turning to Mick, “what was that bar you told us about?”

“Saints and Sinners,” Mick grumbled, holstering his gun. “First rounds on you.”

“I could use a wine cooler,” Felicity spoke up.

Mick eyed her with exasperation. “Doubt they got frou-frou drinks.”

“I’d settle for tequila,” she replied.

“I think I could use a drink, too,” Caitlin mumbled, grabbing her purse.

“Wait for me,” Iris insisted.

“And me,” Julian added. 

Harry shrugged and followed silently.

Soon only Joe, Eddie, Oliver and Dig remained. Eddie looked at his current companions with a hesitant smile. “So, um, the Steelers are playing Green Bay...”

“I’m in,” Dig said immediately.

Oliver looked at Joe with an exasperated look. “You know, if we try to interfere, it will only make Barry dig in his heels more.”

Joe huffed. “I hate my life,” he grumbled before following Eddie and Dig out of the room.


End file.
